Commish Commentary Week 8: Trade Deadline Madness

Every year as the NFL trade deadline looms closer, beat writers for various cities across the country write spec pieces on how "X team is willing to move Y receiver" or "Z running back is on the trading block". And every year, basically 0 of those trades actually occur, and fans are left saying "well, this isn't the NBA, no one really makes trades in the NFL"

Almost every year. Because this week was actually pretty interesting.
For those keeping track at home:

• Garoppolo to the 49ers as their new starting QB (I assume)
• Jay Ajayi to the Eagles
• Kelvin Benjamin to the Bills
• Duane Brown to the Eagles to maybe block someone for Russel Wilson
• And the browns... tried and failed to trade for AJ McCarron in embarrasing fashion

Oh yeah, and as with every week, some layers flip a coin to see if Zeke can play this week (he did).

So who's the RB to own in Miami now? How will Kelvin fit into Buffalo? Are the 49ers receivers instantly better? Will the Browns ever win a game? We'll find out tomorrow (yeah, sorry this is so late)

Ok, matchup time.

Deandre Hopkins

Chunky Salsa(142.80) > Colton's Team(73.88)

This one... wasn't close. Despite getting only 3 points from their injured QB, Chunky Salsa shattered the high score of the season behind ridiculous games from Hopkins, Kelce, and Baltimore's Def. For Colton, this was a disappointing week for his whole WR corps, although he saw positive signs from both Kamara and Blount at RB. The consolation here is that a decent week of 90-110 points wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

- High score of the season, Chunky Salsa (and week, obviously)

Russel Wilson

Zane's Team (137.28) > Rodgers That 🏈💪(120.96)

This is a rough loss for Rodgers That. Her highest score of the season, and the 3rd highest of the week still earns her a loss against Zane's 2nd place team. In the most exciting NFL game of the week, Wilson tore apart the Houston Texans for 38, leading Zane's team (along with Zeke) to what previously would have been our highest score ever. His team also saw a surprisingly good game from Crowder, who I sort of forgot existed. Rodgers That got 29 from Shady McCoy, and a cool 20 points from her defense, but it wasn't enough to shoot her up the standings.

- Pickup of the week, Jamison Crowder (Zane's Team): I don't know if Zane is super lucky, or a genious, but picking up and starting Crowder in his only good game of the whole year is my pick for this week.

- Highest scoring loser: Rodgers That

Jimmy Graham

Perezoso Majstuoso (86.02) > last shall be 1st 😜(82.92)

Man, this matchup turned out to be far closer than I thought it would be Sunday night. Last shall be 1st's kicker Butker pulled her all the way back into this game on Monday night, and she had the chance to win it all late on a Broncos TD to Demaryius. The TD was thrown, but unfortunately caught by some dude named AJ Derby. So Perezoso squeaks by with a win thanks to Graham and Lev Bell, and continues his march towards a top 2 playoff spot. LSBF misses out on her chance to... not be last. Oh well. 

A Dumpster Fire

Greg's Grand Team(65.56) > Travis's Team(45.22)

I didn't do the math on this, but it has to be our most disgustingly low scoring matchup of the season. Greg's Team scored a season low 65 points, and won! By 20 points! The best players on both teams were kickers! 3 other teams scored more points than this matchup!

Alright, I'm done, lets move onto a better showdown.

-Lowest scoring winner, Greg's Grand Team (how does he get away with this?)

Jerrick McKinnon

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ (116.64) > 🤓🖒🏈(91.52)

Our last matchup is a more fun one as Triple Facepalm set her season high score to jump two opponents right back into that final playoff spot. The Vikings showed up in London Sunday morning, and McKinnon and Theilen started the day off right for the Facepalms, leaving Lamar Miller and Prater to seal up the game Sunday night. 🤓🖒🏈 got great games from Philly's Defense and Ertz (this guy is so good) but weak games from her 3 RBs left her with too little to really compete in this one. 

There's your late commentary, good luck tomorrow!